You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
