Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
