did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
