Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
