Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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