I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
