I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
