Pappa wants mamma naked
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
