I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
