I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
