apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
