The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
