the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
