he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
