I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
