you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
