What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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