It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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