I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
