Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
