He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
