u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
