is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
