it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
