I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I could make wine with my vomit
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
