And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
