my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Woke up backwards on a recliner
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
