how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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