Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
