My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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