Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
