3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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