I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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