Say something about gay babies.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
