Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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