he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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