at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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