i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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