The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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