i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
