My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
