I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I am one with the molecules
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
