I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
