He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i can't believe i had my finger in that
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
