he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Damn victory sex feels great
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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