And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
