dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
