he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
