my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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