I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
