I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
last night I used snow as a chaser
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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