apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Couch. On fire.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
