I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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