You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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