im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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