i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
