Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
