So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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