i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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