I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
