before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
COCAINE IS GR8
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
