Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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